LH AGENDA > relationships

relationships

Facebook Friend or True Friendship?

The definition of what makes a friend, and the behaviour that is required to maintain a satisfying, and connected friendship, does vary depending on who you ask. A friend these days can range from someone we agree to have as our Facebook friend or a close confidant.

However, there is some consensus in psychological research as to the key components that form and enhance friendships:

Shared interests or beliefs
Personally beneficial to each person
Close proximity or frequency of contact in any form that allows the relationship to continue in the same manner
Mutual affection or support

The Lifespan of a Friendship

Therefore, we usually find that, irrelevant of age, we develop friendships based on these factors. So when you were in high school, you were surrounded by people, outside of your family, that were going through similar challenges (i.e., facing exams) and often shared similar interests (i.e., sports teams, music) and beliefs.

After leaving school, the trajectory of people’s lives tends to become more diverse. For some, this means focusing on meeting a partner, getting married and having a family, while for others the primary focus may be on career development and progression, or a variety of different goals. The time points of which people face common challenges (i.e., getting pregnant, buying their first property, managing expectations of superiors) or striving towards goals (i.e., travel, making partner in the firm, financial independence, developing a business idea) may be different, and this means that the similarities/shared challenges, benefits from the relationship or proximity that we once had with our friends may also change.

Career progression at times can alienate or make it difficult to maintain the friendships you once had. Sometimes that can be due to less available time, differing goals, or changing levels/capacity for support. Success in life, including career is enhanced by friendships and a social network that is truly supportive and personally beneficial. That said, friendships don’t necessarily come easily and require work to maintain.

4 Strategies for Maintaining Valuable Friendships

1. Re-identify shared interests or beliefs

It may have been your enjoyment of a particular music genre that drew you close initially, or similar beliefs such as the way you treat animals, or key values such as loyalty or commitment. By identifying what is similar, the foundation of your friendships remains clear, even if you operate in different domains of life, spend your time differently, and have different goals or future plans.

2. Recognise what is valuable to you or unique about the friendship

As you progress in your career, it can be easy to overlook the benefits of a friendship that is not central to your day to day life. By reviewing how friendships contribute to your life (no matter how small or frequent) you get a better picture of how to make your friendships a part of who you are, and allow you to work towards a life vision.

3. Be honest with yourself about friendships and their role in your life

Sometimes you find that people continue to pursue friendships due to the length of the friendship, rather than for the mutual affection and connection. To progress requires you to build and grow relationships that are prosperous to your life and goals, and gently distance yourself from those that hold you back or do not consider what is truly in your best interests.

4. Identify for yourself the type of relationships and friendships that support you for your given life stage and vision.

Relationships are dynamic and changeable, this means that you don’t have one set of friendships or that the nature of your friendship will necessary stay the same for life, but rather they are evolving. In real terms, sometimes your close to the people you work side by side with on that impending deadline, and sometimes you have a greater affinity with friends that bring out your silly side.

Featured Photo credit: PC – My Shots@Photography / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Dr. Gemma Russell

Dr. Gemma Russell is a registered Clinical Psychologist and Director of Clever Minds Psychology, in Melbourne, Australia. Dr. Russell has worked within the private and public health sector and criminal justice system, in Australia and New Zealand. Her academic career has involved publications for notable journals and the presentation of research at conferences within the disciplines of Psychology, Psychiatry and Criminal Behaviour. Dr. Russell specialises in delivering evidence-based assessment and consultation to adults interested in self-development, and developing a growth mindset to be more effective within their relationships, business or life in general.

The connections you make in the workplace, by allowing people to get to know you, can open up opportunities years down the track. Building strong friendships in the workplace can be some of the best networking you can do. Developing friendships within the company (i.e. by getting to know people in different areas of the company, or by getting to know some of the managers in your area of expertise) could help you advance through the ranks. However, during day to day activities , we may not be thinking about this because we’re just trying to get our jobs done.

Remember, networking is all about connecting and sharing with others. It’s about getting to know people and have more meaningful relationships. It’s not about getting to meet lots of new people, but rather getting to know the ones who you have already met better.

Developing friendships in the working environment is the perfect way to make connections

Your aim to develop friendships in the working environment may be focused on just getting to know people and becoming friends, without any other intentions. However, this is a perfect environment to make connections, build friendships and really get to know people in your workplace. Since, the people in your workplace share the same industry, these connections may become really valuable years later.

Building a friendship with people you know takes time to build the connection. Try making a list of 90 workplace connections. You contact about 3 per day – perhaps giving an introduction between two individuals with similar interests or perhaps they are interested in the same topic at work. You can send a relevant article or share some compassion – perhaps congratulate them on a project are working on or share with them your findings on a project you might be working on.

Networking is all about connecting and sharing with others

Your list may not number 90, but just once a month, make a connection with the people on your list. They will be more aware of you, and month by month, they’ll get to know you a bit more. Now, if you see them in the office, you have something to talk about, and you will start to break down any barriers.

Direct Outreach for higher levels of management

The second approach you can consider is developing friendships with people in higher levels of management – these are people you don’t know but would like to. This type of activity is described as “direct outreach”. This is building awareness of yourself with influential people. In BookYourselfSolid®, you create a list of 20 people who you would like to know but don’t know.

In the workplace, you may be able to get someone to introduce you, then you work at keeping and building the connection. You don’t want to send them unnecessary emails – that’s just spam. You need to do your homework , find out what they are interested in then share items in a considered way. With your Outreach, you want to be valuable, individualised , targeted and legitimate. Do your homework and find out as much as you can about what interests these people. Remember , if its not been asked for and it doesn’t grab there attention, then it will be thought as spam.

One great way is to have an after hours activity, like Touch Football or Basketball. You can invite people in the workplace along – this is a perfect way to break down barriers on a social event and have people get to know you, outside of the office environment.

You need to do your homework , find out what they are interested in then share items in a considered way

Reach out on a regular basis

Just reach out to one person a day monthly – if you choose senior executives that are people who are influential, these people may be able to give you support in getting your next role. You need to identify who will be best at supporting you in your workplace, find some common ground then contact them once a month adding some value. Once you know them well enough you can transfer them to your list of 90.

The more you get to know people in your workplace – building stronger relationships – the more they will be able to support you with advancement and even getting outside jobs into the future. You want to stay front of mind, then when the time is right , your diligent work with networking and reaching out to senior management – will make a high for your career.

Featured Photo credit: chichacha / Foter / CC BY

Adrienne McLean
Adrienne McLean is the Founder of The Speakers Practice, which offers Presentation Skills training program for business people, individuals, teenagers and groups. Adrienne is an Internationally Accredited SpeakersTrainingCamp Instructor and is a Distinguished Toastmaster. Adrienne has studied marketing with Michael Port the author of the Top Business and Marketing book – BookYourselfSolid.

Adrienne, with her experience of growing up in a family business, working in the corporate and small business sector plus building her own business, gives an enthusiastic and practical approach to the benefits of presentation skills development, learning to promote yourself and building a successful business. She is a regular presenter, blogger and a contributing author in four recent business publications.

Follow her via Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Google+

In a perfect world, each moment of a relationship would be like those passionate descriptions from 50 Shades of Gray. So what keeps us from living that lust-filled, head-over-heels type love life? Nothing more than getting stuck in the same routine patterns, and letting our priority for romance and intimacy shift to the back burner. Let me push you to take a look at your relationship. If you want to receive more love, affection and intimacy you need to give more. That means seizing every opportunity to sweeten up even the most seemingly unsentimental times together.

The beginning of relationships are always fun – things are new and you want to be with your partner all day, every day. But eventually it takes a little more effort to keep the spark going. Sharing a bed, a bathroom and a closet can make you both feel more like roommates than lovers. I’ve been in my relationship for 9 years and here are 6 ways to keep the spark in your relationship, once you pass the honeymoon phase.

1. Sleep together

There’s something every couple should do between the sheets to stay connected, and it’s not what you think. Going to bed at the same time creates more opportunity to cuddle. The aim is not to initiate sex but share affection and emotional connection. Instead of watching that extra episode of your favorite television show, take the time to indulge in this physical closeness.

The beginning of relationships are always fun – things are new and you want to be with your partner all day, every day. But eventually it takes a little more effort to keep the spark going

2. Love on them

When was the last time you praised your partner, and genuinely complimented them while you’re just together and in public? Giving your partner loving words of appreciation daily boosts their confidence and morale, but also gives them a subtle reminder to always love on you too.

3. Be present

We are so connected to our technology that it’s not difficult to believe that people touch their smartphones more than they touch their partners. Due to our fast-paced lives, we also get limited time with our lover. So when you do have that quality time together, make sure to be present by paying attention and interacting, not just fidgeting on your phone. Make a deal that when you are having dinner together, all technology should be turned off. I’m sure you will get more “Likes” from your partner than the virtual world.

So when you do have that quality time together, make sure to be present by paying attention and interacting, not just fidgeting on your phone

4. Always be dating

Remember your first date? Between the initial infatuation and the long-term commitment, we easily forget to continue dating. Relationships can get monotonous and predictable. Keep it spontaneous! Have a “Date Night” jar with fun suggestions and surprise them every so often, perhaps with sexy lingerie or their favourite dessert. These small gestures can leave a big impact, especially when you’re way past the infatuation stage.

5. Recharge your sex life

Your lingerie is not meant for collecting dust – have sex more often! Initiate sex on a regular basis so you both feel attractive and desirable. Nobody wants vanilla sex, so get creative and keep it fun. This is a no fail method that will instantly increase excitement and help reignite that spark.

Have a “Date Night” jar with fun suggestions and surprise them every so often

6. Keep Busy

Do things that you love and do it often. When you are not so easily accessible, your partner will instantly crave more of your attention. When you do catch up, you will have more to share with one another, which will make your man feel incredibly grateful for the time you do spend together.

How do you keep the spark in your relationship? We’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Featured photo credit: Scott and Lindsey Engagement Shoot via photopin (license)

Rian Aldim
Rian Aldim is a Melbourne-based Mumpreneur. She is a marriage celebrant, motivational speaker and runs an online skincare, cosmetics and nutrition business. With a background in psychology, media and business, she teaches Image development and Communication at Trade Secret Academy. As the queen of time management, she also juggles all this along with her 3 children. Rian is passionate about education, travel, family and living a fulfilling life.

As busy women, it can sometimes seem that as we get older, we take on more commitments, which leads to more responsibilities, which then leads to less time in the day. Prioritising our necessities looks like the logical, and really, only, way to get through everything we need to do, from spending time with our spouses, ensuring we care properly for our children, allowing our careers to develop, etc. Fitting in the time for ourselves, as well as our friends and family tends to be one of the first things to drop straight to the bottom of our list, yet it is one very important aspect of your life that can help with the drawbacks of being busy – stress!

There are a number guilt-free, easy to manage ways in which we can incorporate our friends and family into a busy schedule. Here are 5 ways busy women can spend time with their friends and family:

1. Find common ground

Any form of common ground that you can find with your family or friends, which should be an easy task with your close circle, should be used to your advantage. Maybe you both have kids that can play whilst you catch up, or pets that can go for a walk or even add on an extra 15 minutes to your grocery shop and do it together. Being able to coordinate the similar activities you together is kind of a nice way of “hitting two birds with one stone”.

2. Take away any pressure or expectation

Hanging out with family or friends doesn’t need to be a special occasion or a fully fledged social ordeal. It can be just as fun and relaxing to sit at home with a glass of wine and watch an episode of trashy TV with the company you’re in, and just unwind. Don’t put any pressure on what fun and exciting activity you could be doing. Realise that people want to be in your life and spend time with you, because of you, so focus on being just that.

3. Conquer together

Set some new goals and see them through together. Not only will having someone there to ensure you’re committed, but you also create new memories and experiences to celebrate jointly. Whether it’s to get fit and healthy and you go to the gym to work out, or if it is to learn a new language or skill and you go to classes together, you can design your goals and objectives to contain more than just success, but also fun and togetherness.

4. A girl’s gotta eat.

Coordinating meals seems to be the luxurious way ladies of leisure spend their time together as “ladies who lunch”. It doesn’t need to have that stigma. Synchronising lunch schedules or even family dinner nights can be a low-key, easygoing way to spend time with your family or friends whilst doing the normal things. It’s being able to open your mind and see the opportunity where you can do things together with ease.

5. Schedule and prioritise

It’s easy to say “Let’s catch up soon” or “I will give you a call when I get a free minute”, but it too often gets lost in the weekly chaos. Prioritise your friends and family, even if it means putting a reminder in your calendar to call them. As a busy woman, having a strict calendar is essential, so you have no excuse not to schedule them in alongside your other commitments. The more you do this, the more normal it becomes, and the more you will enjoy it for what it is worth.

In saying all of that, it is equally important to make time for yourself. They are like you and your best friend; they go hand in hand! With good people in your life and enjoying time spent with your family and friends, your happiness and joys in life are magnified and any troubles or sadness is shared.

Featured photo credit: `James Wheeler via photopin cc

Samantha Krajina
Samantha, a Relationship Specialist, devotes her heart and soul to E&S Relationship Specialists, which spans across the areas of personal, business and education, running programs in all facets of individual and group relations. Crafting the groundbreaking technique of Relationshipology, Samantha is transforming relationships all over Australia with the aim to have social and emotional education taught in school along side the academic education. Whilst business is a huge part of Samantha’s life, her most favorite role is being an amazing wife and an awesome mum to her beautiful son and baby on the way.